I recently had a conversation with some of my friends about dating and I really felt like I needed a male opinion. In comes Jay Hobbs. Jay is the CEO of The Proposal Company, to find out more about the company click here. They have successfully planned over 300 proposals and since he spends a lot of his time around awesome couples I called upon him to give some insight on dating.
During our conversation the one thing that he sad that stood out to me the most was that as women we are the CEOs of our relationships but we don’t realize it. When dating we must set boundaries ad expectations without being aggressive. Guys are naturally hunters but they can only hunt in the ways that we allow them. If a guy can’t accept the boundaries you set then let him go. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we allow behaviors that we are not ok with. This may also come from the societal and biological pressure of time. Women date with an imaginary clock constantly looming over our heads. Don’t let that pressure force you to compromise or settle.
During my dating experience I found that guys were quick to start conversations about sex, much quicker that I was willing to even engage in those conversations. On this topic Jay simply explained that “Guys will try you”. At this point in the conversation I had to pause and clutch my pearls, how dare they try me! Don’t talk about anything you are not comfortable talking about. The same goes for talking about pass relationships, why is a problem I have. Once people hear that I was in a 7 year relationship they want to know the whole entire story. Jay advised waiting before talking about past relationships, it’s not really first date friendly. Ease into those conversations.
This was all good advice but where do I even find a guy! I felt like I have searched high and low, searched the alleys and the gully and still came up with nothing. Jay encouraged me to find men where my interest where. Apparently I don’t have to go to a football game to find a guy, thank God because I still can’t tell you what a first down is. If you are interested in art then try to find men as art shows or gallery opening. You don’t have to stray too far from your personal interests to find someone.
Once I do find someone they usually expire once I measure them against my somewhat unrealistic checklist. He needs to have a good job, decent personality, Kevin Hart funny and look like a mix between Denzel Washington and Morris Chestnut. Candidate Disqualified. The key to using a checklist is to have about 3 (realistic) nonnegotiable items and a few “bonuses”. Don’t pull out a list long than Santa’s and expect a guy to have all those items. To further explain using a “checklist Jay used an example of purchasing a house. If you are looking for a three bedroom home you will only look at homes with three bedrooms. Some of the houses you may look at might have a walk out basement or even a pool, all bonuses to the three bedrooms you were originally seeking. Be realistic with your checklist be flexible but don’t go outside of your comfort zone.
Consider these tips as you are dating and when you get to the point when you (or him of course) is ready to propose make sure to give a call The Proposal Company so they can make it a memorable one. Now go forth and may the odds be forever in your favor.