No one ever tells you how to love yourself. We learn so much about how to love others and care for others but most of us have no tangible knowledge of how to properly care for ourselves.
I’ve live so much of my life based on what I’ve been told to do, so much so that I often still struggle with what I want and how to communicate it. I absolutely hated the fact that I sought out validation from others. This search for validation was much deeper than I thought. I knew that I sought it out in romantic relationships but it wasn’t until recently that I was aware that I also sought it out of every kind of relationship in my life. I was constantly willing to bend and break myself to fit the needs and approval of others, but can you really blame me? I wanted to create happiness for those around me in order to fill the lack of it within myself but it wasn’t working. Making everyone around you happy is often at the cost of your own happiness and can be conflicting amongst the various relationships.
So how do you do it? Love yourself and care for yourself when you have no idea how. For me I had to start with the things that I knew for a fact weren’t making me happy. This included changing and removing some of the relationships I was giving my energy to. There were toxic situations I was holding on to for the sake of the company or because I had gotten so comfortable with it. The best thing in nature is the ability to adapt and endure painful situations in order to survive. However this skill is what keeps us in toxic situations, we become so use to it and simply learn to deal instead of seeking better options.
Once I began to remove some things I found so much space for myself. Space that I want to fill with love and positivity. As I embark on a journey to fill this space I had to make sure not to fill it with new toxicity. I wrote down three things that were essential to my happiness; health, family and financial stability. I choose health because I didn’t want to fall victim to the hidden diseases and ailments locked in my genome. Family because humans are met to be social, we can’t go about life alone, I wanted to build and improve the relationships with the people I consider to be my family. Financial stability because unfortunately our world is run by money and I have personally suffered a great deal because of the lack of or inability to management it. Armed with this list I set out into the world and make my decisions based on how it will affect each one. If a decision will adversely affect them then I don’t engage it. Simple as that. There is still much I need to learn when it comes to loving myself but this is where I’m starting.
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