Before you chop my head off and serve it on a platter know that this is my personal opinion and I am not here to judge your life, just want to share my thoughts on the subject.
I recently talked about this topic with some friends and then opened the discussion to my Facebook friends. The replies varied but the majority didn’t have a problem with avoiding men with kids. A strong number of people talked about missing out on a really good guy when avoiding men with kids.
Since I’m a dating expert now (self-proclaimed) I wanted to be more intentional with my dating efforts. Single being in the market I have met and gone out with guys with kids and to be perfectly honest I don’t see myself (right now at least) seriously pursuing a guy that already has children. My reasons include the obvious “Baby Mama Drama”. I don’t want my life to reflect a Tyler Perry movie so for this reason alone I am instantly uninterested. I obviously know that not everyone has a tumultuous co-parenting situation. Some people are able to be civil and share custody with no major issues.
Now I’m not going to say that I don’t like kids, but I don’t want to be forced into a “step mother” role before I’m ready for it. I don't do diapers or bad kids, I will be tempted to hit one of them and that's a whole other issue. What if I actually like the kid? A few of my Facebook feedback also brought up concerns of getting attached to the kid(s) and having to separate if the relationship doesn’t last.
I understand that once you get to a certain age the likeliness of ending up with someone who already has children significantly lowers but there is nothing wrong with still pursuing a mate based on your preferences. I have heard many people say that I will miss out on a blessing if I don’t consider a quality guy with kids. I won’t consider him a blessing if he has a kid. It may be seen as shallow but I want a very specific man, if I can’t find that guy then I know I will have to adjust my preferences and settle. I am actually ok with settling, but Thanks a conversation for the next time.
We all have preferences and qualifications that we want in a mate and there is nothing wrong with pursuing what you think will make you happy. On the same note when you find yourself unable to find the perfect guy you may need to cast a wider net. I’m not at the point where I want to do that yet. I look at preferences as a starting point and they will change and develop as you get older and experience different relationships. After dating my ex I know that I can never date someone who smokes or doesn’t have a good handle on their finances. There are plenty of fishes in the sea, just keep swimming until you find one you want to be with.
Are you dating someone with a child? What are your thoughts on this? Comment below!