5 People Who Can Catch These Hands in 2017

We recognize how shitty 2016 was and I see everyone is planning on making 2017 “their year”. Well, I know 2017 IS going to be my year and if not everybody can catch these hands. Let me explain.

I am entering 2017 single, employed and full of goals and the fact that our president elect is Donald Trump there is no room for halfhearted attempts to being great. As a black female I am under constant pressure to run faster, be better only to be treated half as good as my counterpart. There are so many of our black sisters who have been able to slay in 2016 and I only hope to join their ranks. For all my 9-5 boss babes, single moms and business savvy divas don’t let anyone take you off course but be aware of these people as you embark on your voyage to a great 2017.

Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends- Going back to your no good ex may seem to make sense at first but sleep on it. If you wake up and still feel the same way then go back to sleep. I believe people change and all but 2017 is about moving forward not backward. It may take a little time to find a decent next boo but be patient and God will deliver. Be aware of times of weakness that usually happen after a series of bad dates, around major holidays/birthdays and when your close friends get into relationships. 

Sallie Mae (other bills)- Sallie Mae can catch these hand this year, next year, till infinity and beyond. I know I borrowed the money but until I can get paid a real living wage then you're just gonna have to work with me. Sometimes your bills may have you looking to sign up for the next sugar babies conference but slow your roll. Considered cutting back on variable expenses (happy hour is not a necessity) and get those bills paid on time, a 400 credit score is not cute. 

Situationship seekers- In my journey to find le next boo I do not want to entertain any situationship seekers. This is especially to that light skin Kappa who keep texting my phone. BTW beware of some of these Fratenity men that will shimmy, bark and hop into your life only to act like you never existed when ATL Greek Picnic comes around. Let’s not continue the #wastehertime2016. My time is valuable and certainly the next guy who wants to deliberately create speed bumps on my journey to happily ever after will catch these hands, my momma’s hands and the rest of the village that is waiting on me to get married and have babies.

Donald Trump- no explanations needed. Just serve your term and go. 

Employment- In all of its forms it is a required part of adulting, but one thing I won’t have time for is not getting paid my worth. I really don’t want to get out of my bed for anything less than $70k, but Im going to keep grinding. Can we set wages and salaries to slightly above ramen noddle maybe an  upgrade to canned soup is appropriate, Because I’m tired of not being able to afford common luxuries, such as turning on all the light in the house. So the next time you want to offer me (with my two degrees and ample years of experience) a position and offer me $35k you can catch these hands and one of these bills, actually you can have all the bills.

As you get ready to start the year keep these in mind. Refer to Groupon for deals on boxing classes so those hands have some actual power behind them.

p.s. I do not condone violence and I’m not bailing you out.