Let’s talk about dating…again. I am still active on dating sites… for now and recently had discussions with my friends about how guys set up their profiles. Before you have a chance to swipe left or right you have to be enticed by the profile picture(s) of your suitor. If you are a female reading this, please pass this scripture along to a brother in need, because some of them are clearly clueless when it comes to setting up a profile. Please make our lives a bit easier by avoiding having these types of pictures.
1. Blurry pictures- Cellphone photography has improved immensely so the fact that you can’t offer us a profile with enough pixels so that I can tell actually sees your face. Don’t most people use dating apps from smart phones? Or are you logging in to your tinder profile from a rotary phone. Please do better in 2017; I’m sure your phone is up for an upgrade by now.
2. Stop with the puppies- I think I’m going to swipe right for the puppy, when can I come pick him up? I see this more with white guys though. I’m glad you love animals but don’t let all your pictures be of you and the pup… unless I can have the pup.
3. I don’t want to date your car- I am so happy that you have a car, it is very nice but I am not looking for a chauffeur, I am looking to date. The endless car pictures have to stop. Maybe you have mistaken this dating app for Auto trader.
4. Seriously? Only one picture- What do you want me to do with one picture other than swipe left. Please don’t set yourself up for failure. I would recommend a solid 3 pictures, from different angle if possible. By the way there is a 9.5 out of 10 there is a camera right there on the phone in your hand so take another picture.
5. Out dated pictures- You really shouldn’t post any pictures over a year old. But the fact that some of you think its ok to be well into your 30s and posting your high school pictures is a shame. How did you even get that date stamp on the bottom of your picture? Did you pull that picture from Nana’s photo album, scanned it to yourself and then uploaded? You did the most when you could have done the least.
6. Your kids are cute but…- I don’t want to date your kid. Feel free to mention whether you are a parent or not but I don’t need to see what they look like. You should really be more careful where you post your children’s pictures; there are some crazy folks out here.
7. Shirtless Pics- I usually like shirtless pics, especially when I can see that you have been making use of your gym membership. There is a point when that shirtless pic can go to inappropriate levels. Don’t let you camera go further than 4 inches below your belly button, I am not interested in seeing the jewels, save that for another time.
8. Hats and shades- here is a tip, everyone looks good with hats and shades. Hats are good for hiding little peanut heads and also big ole domes. Shades make you look almost as cool at the guy from the Dos Equis commercials. Both of these are tools of the scam and the swindle he is about to pull once you see him without his disguise.
9. Pictured with other women- I don’t care if it’s your sister or your cousin. Don’t have a dating app profile picture that features you and one of your cute ass female family members because how the hell am I supposed to know that she’s family. The only women I want to see in your picture is your abuela and even she gets the side eye.
10. No Picture- Why are you here? Are you spying on someone? You have absolutely no reason to message me if you don’t have a picture. Please reevaluate your life and don’t disturb my peace because my block game is stellar (as my friend Joy would say)
I know the list was kind of lengthy but maybe dating could be just a tiny bit easier if there were some clear guidelines that people could follow. Thank you, Management.