The leaves are starting to turn, another season of football is well underway and all the fall shows have dropped. It is officially cuffing season. This is not a drill folks.
This is the time of year when you update your tinder profile with that sexy picture from the beach trip you and your girls took this summer in order to snag you a human space heater (credit to my girl Whit). As you swipe left (and occasionally right) to the sorry excuse of a dating pool that exist today you may start to receive the occasional DM notification. They usually sound something like this.
“Hey Stranger” “Hey big head” “How you been” “I see you don’t talk to me anymore”
These messages can come from an old love interest, coworkers, college friends or some guy that you’ve known on social media for the past three years but never met in person. Your respond to these messages could make or break your cuffing season experience, so here are a few tips.
When it comes from your ex- delete it. That message doesn’t exist. Sorry not sorry, currently having a seat at the table and drinking lemonade. No thanks sir. Avoid going backwards in life. Please don’t get back in the sack with him for the fears of adding to your body counts (because whose really counting) or for the joy of recreating good times. You broke up for a reason, so don’t go patching things up just to have a man to shovel that snow out of the driveway come December, don’t deny yourself that cardio, you’ll need it for #summer17. Move his ass to the left and keep it pushing.
From a College fling- Ok so y’all met during freshmen orientation and had an ongoing thing while at such-and-such university. Great. On the surface I would approve of this union, may you go and cuff in peace, but if this campus heartthrob comes with some unresolved emotional baggage then don’t even try it. Cuffing is supposed to be fun, easy and neat, I don’t want to hear any crying when Memorial Day comes and he is in south beach turning up with little miss snatched waist and big booty Instagram model. Proceed with caution with this one.
From a coworker- when Mr. sexy from fine ass (Finance) department wants to slide in your DM you may want to respond asap. But hold on sister girl! We must think this through. What are the consequences that can come from a messy office “romance”. Aint nobody got time to lose a job, the next three pay checks have already been committed to that coat from Zara and some thigh high boots from Justfab.com. Now if he can maintain a B613 level of discretion then this may be perfect. Please avoid any office PDA and don’t you dare get jealous when he starts talking to Thotiana from HR at the holiday party. Upper management is watching.
When it comes from someone you “social media” know- yall been liking and commenting on each other’s posts so much that you really feel like you know this person, and you may even blush a little when you see his name pop up on your notifications. Beware, what you see isn’t always what you get. That house and car is in his momma’s name and 301 is not only his area code but also his credit score. You don’t need that headache. Allow me to be optimistic, respond to that DM and be positive and kind with your responses. Schedule a meet up and see how it goes because you never know how things may work out. However bring that third eye with you. Any sign of Tom Foolery needs to be met with an immediate evacuation.
You could also get lucky on a dating app and actually meet someone that has enough tact to make it pass the second and third date. When you volunteer as tribute for cuffing season let your expectations be realistic and clear. Your cuffing mate is not the one that you should parade at Thanksgiving dinner and at church on Christmas Eve giving your momma false hopes of future nuptials. Go into cuffing season with temporary expectations but if it comes to be more than go for it, you may get your #ForeverDuncan after all. May the odds be forever in your favor!