No, I'm Not Okay!

When was the last time someone asked you if you were OK and you actually answered truthfully? I have always been inspired by those "I can do bad by myself" quotes (insert neckroll and snaps fingers), but as I'm getting older I realized that I actually don't want to do bad by myself. I want someone there to help me out. I recently had a conversation with a friend who was struggling with their mental health and as soon as I mentioned going to counseling the first thing he said was "I don't want anyone thinking I'm crazy". Since when did it become OK to suffer from everything but mental illness. I can remember my mother instructing me to go to the emergency room at the sign of any physical ache but a conversation about my feelings or mental state of mind is usually awkward, one sided and uncomfortable and usually ends with me making a dramatic exit. Perhaps the problems lies in the fact that we can't see mental issues like we can spot a cold or a broken bone.

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"You have to be strong" If I got a dollar every time someone told me this after I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of them I would have $157,845. OK so the number is a bit exaggerate but you get the point. I believe in crying, screaming and having other emotional releases that you need (don't go too crazy now). I once heard a quote that stated "it's not how many times you fall it's how many times you get up". My interpretation of that is that it is OK to be weak, to fail and to not get things right, but fight through the pain and the heartache and get back to it. Understand that it's OK to be weak at times, to be vulnerable but have faith in yourself and seek help if and when needed.

As I approach my 27th birthday I look back at the past few years and come to terms that I am not where I want or though I would be in my life right now, but I trust that God has a plan for me. I lost a job I really wanted but got another one, lost my father but gain a new understanding of life and family, ended a relationship but gained a new love for myself, I still struggle with the emotions tied to these life events and at times I am feel complete burned out but there is a fire in me that will not be extinguished! I may not be okay sometimes but I know I'm going to be. I have done some counseling sessions during my trying times and I am open to seeking additional help.

I can recognize when something is wrong with me, and I am not ashamed of saying so, that alone is a powerful thing. For pageantry purposes you may still want to tell people you're OK even when your not but don't lie to yourself, masking the problem will only make it worse.